@ The Grammys 2012

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Connie & Cimcie Grammys2012

 CONNIE ACCEPTING ROGER’S AWARD

Such a bittersweet day for our family…just like the word in poor Whitney’s song. Life is so very, very short. All future plans are just a possibility–take note young people. A cliché, but so true, “live each day as if it’s your last.”

The girls (really women, but they will always be my girls: Cimcie & Ashlee) and I feel such gratitude for Roger’s award, but…so many buts.

Cimcie, Connie, Jeff “Skunk” Baxter & Ashlee

 

 

Maybe I’ll be able to write about this some day, but not today.

Many thanks to Jeff for helping us get through the day.

A happier day: Connie, Ashlee, Roger and Cimcie at his Lifetime Achievement Award Party in South Beach from the NARAS Florida Chapter in 2006.

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Modern Grief Excerpt

by

John Denver

 

I talked to John Denver on the phone the night before he died. The night before his own great leap into the abyss, although “crash” is a more correct choice of word. His first big hit sung by Peter, Paul and Mary, was “Leaving on a Jet Plane. Yes, I know what you are thinking: his death is rife with irony. No, he didn’t crash in a jet plane, but it was a plane. I loved to fly with John. He was an excellent pilot. I don’t understand all the rigmarole about his pilot’s license before the crash, but I trusted Roger. Roger was also a good pilot and like John, grew up flying with his dad and if John had been a mediocre pilot, Roger would have been the first to rag him about it. Roger liked correcting people, and even if he could be annoying about it, he was usually right. I also took flying lessons and knew enough to know that John was an expert pilot. John’s father, Dutch, was a famous Air Force Pilot who I knew briefly. Dutch and John flew Roger and me to Lake Tahoe the week after Roger won a Grammy in 1981.

Father and son were obviously very close. They laughed with each other—had a great time. No simmering anger beneath the surface of this relationship as implied in other books, one supposedly co-written by John. I had problems with my dad when I was young, but we smoothed that over later, the same with John. John did leave an architect degree behind to be a folk singer. I doubt if many dads would have been thrilled with that choice, but his dad supported him soon thereafter and I could tell from Dutch’s demeanor, no one could have been prouder. You could see it in his face when looking at John. Some stories get hijacked, I mean, ghost-written, which is why, my readers, I take full credit for this book; whatever it is, it is me (and maybe Roger’s ghost just a little).

Daniel Hahneman, a Nobel Prize winning expert in these matters of how we experience life says that the “remembering self [...] our memory tells the story.” And, we all know there are as many versions of a train wreck as there are witnesses. Think of my “remembering” as my offering of poetic prose, a glimmering of words from a subconscious mind that has followed my “experiencing self” around for nearly sixty years. The goal of my book is for me to heal, and for you, to hopefully, be a little inspired, or maybe just entertained—critics are embraced. (Portion of Chapter 2)

MODERN GRIEF BIBLIO

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EXCERPT FROM “MODERN GRIEF” WEEK ONE

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        When I picked up Roger’s iPhone, after his last breath, a long time passed before I remembered to breathe. Part of me seemed to pass out—some people do feint at the sight of death; maybe they forget to breathe? I was amazed that I could breathe. But why was I breathing and not him? Why did Roger, who exercised and didn’t smoke or abuse drugs/alcohol, get this horrible Cancer? Ginette Paris, a wise woman with a PhD in Psychology and a twinkly eye, suggests that you not ask “why.” Not only is this asking “why” not helpful, but also by asking the unanswerable “why,” you get stuck in a destructive loop of always asking “why.” It seems that this “why”remains elusive for many things in life like sickness, greed, war or death. In scanning our limitless Universe, all I know for certain is there will always be more questions for the inquisitive mind. Answering one question will just open up the door to another one. You can ask “why” but don’t expect any definitive answers. Why birth? Why do we breathe air?

         How do we process the traumas life throws at us when our systems of belief and societal nets fail? How do we survive the shock of modern grief? What I do know is this: if you’ve been something to somebody (s)he will grieve about you. Grieve, I do. This part of life is bad, bad, bad grief, being the one left behind. Frozen in shock, really fear, which in some circumstances that would be a good thing since “fear does not prevent action; it prepares the organism for action” (May Anxiety, 15), strictly speaking, that is, if I was a zebra on the Serengeti. But at some tipping point, too much fear and your body shuts down. You just feel numb. You can’t move. This unknown land is the mother of unknowns—how to survive the loss of someone you love more than your own life. No matter how it happens: divorce, abandonment or death, it’s loss beyond words.

ZEBRA HELICONIUS BEATING WINGS (2007)

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It is astounding how little the ordinary person notices butterflies. — Nabokov

Is this adult Zebra drying wings, activating pheromones, signaling for mates, or all of the above? Not sure, but I love to watch them in my yard in Jupiter, FL.

At any time of day, dozens of these Zebra Longwings are luxuriously fluttering around the yard in Jupiter near their favorite spots. Zebras are considered to be brainy butterflies; Heliconius being the only known butterfly species to eat pollen. They live 4 to 6 months and forage along the same route every day, as if following a trap-line.

Their caterpillars feed on Passion Vine

Passiflora

Zebra Heliconius Cats eating Milkweed

Milkweed Bloom

and Milkweed Plants that produce a cyanide from which the Zebras derive their nasty taste–a neat trick to keep the birds from snacking on them–hence their leisurely flight.

Nervous Clouded Sulphurs must fly erratic, streaking straight up and criss-crossing the sky in a yellow blur to avoid being lunch for a Scrub Jay, but Zebras sip their nectar and nibble on pollen like lazy tourists nursing a daiquiri.